The impact you cause in my life is tremendous.
I just can't imagine how life is like if you didn't appear

But now that you left
We don't seem to talk much anymore
I walk pass you
Without a word
Like we never knew each other before

Why can't it be the same?
You said it would
But it just don't seem to be true
You made me believe you won't forget me
But now that you left
We have no more to talk about

I am alone now
Tears came out unwanted
I thougt it was alright
But it turn out not to be
And it made me cry all night

I miss the times we had together
I miss the times when we played together
I miss the times when we talked
I miss the conversations we had
I miss the laughter we shared
I miss the tears we shed
Most of all,

I miss you

Please don't forget me
Just like how I won't forget you

"Cause' what we have can't be replaced
Don't let our memories fade away
Keep me in your heart for always"

I can't believe it.
They truely stepped down a few hours ago.
I was so afraid for this day to come. But it still came.

The day started off with us performing in speech day. And I think i screwed up quite a bit because of all the wrong notes :( After that, well, we packed up of course. Me and Evelyn ran up the stairs up and down at least 3 times to see if we can help for anything but first time, the tuba people said there was nothing to help already. Second time, we went to the seminar room(i don't know why) than we realised that people were still carrying the timpani from the hall. So we had to go down to go up again. HOWEVER, but the time we reached there, there was nothing to carry already. So, it's like, run for nothing.

We than had a short break for us to take pictures. ^^ I feel super accomplished because today alone, I took 127 pictures:)

It was than, the farewell ceremony. I was really ok at first. I didn't have the urge to cry.I cheered for every person who went up and seriously.

But after the lights went off
after the sec 4s started talking
after Hong Yi started sharing her experience and her thoughts
I seriously cannot hold back. It's so hard to, especially when I see and hear them cry. I can't bear to think what it is going to be like on Thurs. They won't be playing with us anymore. They left us. I know, face the truth. It will happen someday. But, why so soon? Why should good things always come to an end. Why can't it continue? I can't imagine Trumpet section without Ji Min, Shasha and Jolene. I can't imagine band without the sec 4s.

I totally screwed up the song. I wanted to sing well. I was fine when i was walking up to the front. But the lyrics made me cry. I wanted to stop. I went to the back. I turned around so that my back was facing them but I heard Loosin cry,and I knew it is impossible. I don't know if we sounded horrible but well, the meaning was there isn't it?

We broke up into sections for section talk. and well...i think i cried alot during it. I was ok at first. Seriously. I think no one noticed that I cried before that (other than Evelyn) and I was proud of it. But when everyone took turns to talk, it's like the hard-not-to-cry moment. Even Jolene cried :'( I am going to miss them alot.

Went for lunch at 12.15pm. They actually ordered pizzas for us and Jolene was like,"what? One pizza for one section? How they order one?" something like that =) We than sat right in front of the band room to eat our lunchie :) there was one huge pizza, one bottle of coke (which finished before i started on my cup) and some cream puff thing that I didn't ate. But well, it was really fun. Tha Yang went to take one whole box of chicken drumstick and someone (i forgot who) actually thought she took it for the whole band xD than Ji Min went to take one whole box of bee hoon and she insisted on us eating it as her "last wish" xD

Super excited because we were going to have section dessert time! I dare to say this is our first section outing. We waited for the bus like AT LEAST half an hour and 111 still haven't come. Three 132s went by...When one FINALLY came, it was so full that the bus driver didn't even bother stopping at out stop -.- So in the end, we decided to take a cab. BUT even the cab was irritating enough -.- there were many many cabs but it all were hired and it just zoomed past us. Because we needed 2 cabs, when one FINALLY came, Shasha, Tha Yang, Jae Young and Mun Yun went to take first:) after that, argh, we waited for so long before the next cab came.

On the cab it was rather fun. hahaha, Jolene was forced to sit in the honour sit which was in front (because Evelyn, Ji Min and me went to sit behind first xD) We talked and chatted. Than Ji Min wanted to see my photos (i didn't want to lor. After the Shasha-attempted-to-delete-my-picture incident, i didn't want to hand over my cam to anyone whom i take pictures of) but since she promised she won't delete, than ah well, i handed my camera to her. hehhehe.

When we reached, Evelyn paid for the taxi fare first (reminder to Evelyn: remember to take the $$$ on Mon ok!)I think i owed quite a bit of money. xD but I WILL RETURN!!! anyways, we went to Yami Yoghurt and Ji Min was so desperate to get a chop (which i don't know why) so in the end, she paid quite a bit for Evelyn and mine (because to get a chop, we must spent at least $3 each) ^^ after that, we went to meet Shasha, Tha Yang, Jae Young and Mun Yun at Macs. We talked while we ate and it was really fun. I seriously hope we can have more section outings like that :)

So sad, soon, Shasha and Tha Yang left because of the Musart Youth band thingy. But not too soon later, we all left. And that evelyn ah, because we went out, we saw some mascot and she wanted to go pull it's tail -.- and in the end, she really did xD

We walked to the mrt station. Mun Yun, Ji Min, Jae Young went first. Jolene stayed at plaza sing because she meeting her friends. Evelyn accompanied me to buy my ticket ^^ and for some reasons, the ticket machine didn't come out the ticket.So we went to find the counter and ask the person for help.And super good news was that Evelyn's mum ask her to meet her at Buona Vista, which means she will be accompanying me ^^

K, so this is the hilarious part. We walked around the mrt just to find the train line. And after waiting for 5 min, the train to marina bay came. We took to city hall. Than once the train reach, we saw the train on the opposite side.So, we went into the train and we talked~~. AND OMG!!!I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. Evelyn was like asking what stop it was. Than, I heard as Outram Park. She said it was Kallang. I was like WHAT?!!! we were so smart to take the wrong train which was heading to pasir ris when we were suppose to head to Joo Koon. I also don't know why i so blur today. Somehow, as long as i go to a purple line station, i will meet with some "unfortunate" events with the train -.- so we hurriedly went out of the train. I was super shocked because WE ACTUALLY PASSED 2 STOPS BEFORE WE REALISE WE WERE ON THE WRONG TRAIN >.< Today, when i reach home, i went to bathe immediately. I seriously didn't know why, but i cried while I was bathing. At home, the only place i can cry is in the toilet, behind closed doors because I can't close my room door and my parents will think I am weird for crying for no reason.

Yesterday, it already felt to empty without them. We sounded so dead. The whole band felt like a part was missing somewhere. Back then, I really felt like crying when Ms Goh was talking to us.

I enjoyed the time we had together
All this moments stored deeply in my heart
Where it will be safe
I will never let the memories fade away

You made me realise alot of things
You made me love band
You made me love music
You made me live music

Band is going to feel really empty after you leave, just like how you will feel empty without band. But we know, the spirit of CGSSB is forever there. You will forever be a part of it.

Thanks for all the guidance you gave. Thanks for all the love and care you shared

I'll miss you

Gosh...what's happening to me?

WHY WHY WHY?????? ahhhh, i seriously don't know what she is thinking. I don't like her. She make me believe in her and now she seem so distant. She is obviously just a friend but I thought she was an important friend. Well, now I don't know what to do. Am I suppose to continue sharing my thoughts with her or should I just shut myself up from her? I get the feeling of being...toyed with. Like, the feelings. I don't mean the love type -.- more of the trust there. I trusted her more than anyone but now she is pushing me aside. It seems like she betrayed me, used me than threw me. She, they, don't seem like my friends anymore. I feel so odd with them.

I am getting reallly bad, negative and ill feelings. This isn't good at all. What happened to me? D;

Tomorrow...is the day when the Sec 4s are stepping down. The day that i finally dread. :(

Why does she always get the light while I don't? Why am I thinking this all now? Is this jealousy? noo..i don't want to be jealous. I feel happy for her for alot of things but why i can't be of equal level? :( I don't want to think about it anymore. It's harming me more than it did.

I know now it's a little too late to blog. But I suddenly realised that the week is coming to an end. Many people will be saying TGIF. But, after friday, it's saturday. This week saturday is going to be so significant. I don't want it to. But it will.

Well, bedtime~

It's so scary how people who are close to you can disappoint you.

I thought she was someone whom I can trust, someone whom I will never feel betrayal from, someone whom I can share everything to. Well, I did. But what's happening now? I try to share everything, on the other hand, she doesn't. There's still the secret. There's still the thinking. There's still the plotting. Why can't it be plain and simple? Why can't it just be like what it is suppose to be. Clear and true.

I thought it was my form of confidentiality but yet, it turns out to be a big disappointment. She might not think how one word could affect everything but it does and it definitely did.

(I don't know why...but I feel so...tired?
I don't want the time to run any faster.

Yesterday was the last concert with the Sec 4s. And i just realised it was my first with them too. First and the last. Thinking of this, it makes me regret a lot for not participating in Musical Evening last year. Yesterday was so fun. Yet time pass so fast. In a blink of an eye, we were playing Ponyo, the encore song of the concert. The last note, and it was the end of the concert.

Today, it was the announcing of the new exco. Evelyn became a JL (I was not really very surprised though :) I kinda expected it. Rui Ying, Janelyn and Alex too. Really expected. Tha Yang became treasurer, Mun Yun became SL and Jae Young became secretary. :)

Today, well, it was quite a fun day going out with Mun Yun, Evelyn and Prim (and Shasha who joined us for lunch). But sadly, i felt like super tired and dead. It's so irritating to feel dead when we are on SECRET MISSION. Sigh...

Next week, the Sec 4s will be stepping down. Rewind technically marked their stepping down. Soon anyway. It ended so fast. I want to rewind back to Rewind and replay it over and over again. I wonder what's going to happen after they step down. Will we be able to cope? (Of course I don't doubt the Sec 3s, they are pro) but I don't really dare to think about what is going to happen to ME.

Seriously, sometimes i wish that my blog was private. I mean, who wants people to see their diary? Blog = online diary. I use to keep a hand written diary but well, it takes too long especially when I write like essays of it.

Now listening to the recordings of Harry Potter. Good way of reminscing back isn' it? Evelyn isn't online now...I hardly get to talk to her today. Sigh...I will probably sleep earlier today. Sleeping is good in a way that you get to escape reality for a few hours even though time is flying past.

I guess i shall do my maths homework now than. :)

Yesterday was beyond great.It was simply WONDERFUL, SPECIAL, NICE, FUN AND COOL!!!!My vocab not very good but this is all the words i can think of now. xD

we left class at 12.30( i thought it was 12 which made me get my hopes up of being able to skip lit test). Later, lunchie lunch!!! After that , we went to the hall to help set up stuff!!! =] and later on brought our instruments up and practiced =D

ah well, that's not the main point. hahahha. when we needed to change, it was like totally wieeeerd because Shasha, Jolene, Mun Yun, Evelyn, Grace and I were suppose to change in the store room TOGETHER!!! xD gosh, it was like, weird because i have NEVER EVER DONE THAT BEFORE. and there were alot of shouting to like ask ME to be faster and don't look comments xD gosh, but wearing band uniform was so HOT AND LONG. especially the stockings -.- and later did i realise my shoes were the wrong size and i didn't even know but later, i switched with Grace than Evelyn said her shoes were too big so i switched with her. and you know what? our dear Evelyn actually had a size 37 &36. She damn pro. No wonder my shoes felt like it was one big one small.

Ohhhh!!! and during Trumpet ensemble rehearsal, it was GREAT!!!xD we than went for dinner =] and it was PREZZIE TIMEEE!!! =]=]=] that time was rather messy though. But in the end, i got all the prezzies HEH HEH HEH. and fairfield gave us cookies with our name on it!!! :D I shall take picture of it tomorrow and post =]=] in the end, i did not have any apetite because too excited, so i wasted food.hehe... well, not alot, compared to Evelyn xD and we sang happy birthday to Evelyn twice because she ran away and HAH! the second she can't because she was trap between mun yun and prim. ^^

We had section photo taking and i took a few candid shots *wriggle eyebrows* but yeahhh, that part was TOTALLY AWESOME!!! =D

i was super nervous. my hands were like shaking (quite small movements) and i can practically hear my heartbeat -.- well, but it was cool after that!!! It went like smoothly ~~ and during intermission, there were like flowers everywhere and Tha Yang did like SUPER GREAT JOB for her solo!!!=]=]=] *proud* ah well, but you know my father (shhh don't tell anyone in choir) said that there shouldn't have a choir person singing there because it kind of spoil the whole thing >.<

~ intermission time ~ and the hall was chaotic!but well... after that we had our Trumpet Ensemble and it was GREAT!!! hehe xD but i last minute change to the shaker thing so a bit not use to it. But I AM TOTALLY PROUD OF US!!! xD after after that, it was fairfield playing their 2 songs. We than went in and played UP and Jupiter Pop!!! =] well... hahahah.i have never experience encore like, in a concert hall type of thing. but it was cool!!! we played Ponyo and everyone clapped along=] after that, the concert really came to an end... and well, I REALLY MISS IT ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHH!!!

Btw, I must thanks my parents, sister ( she came and brought 5 of her friends with her), Y. brother, aunt, and Jia Wei, Dionnis, Alicia, Clarice, Mari, Yu Qi and Genevieve for coming to the concert and supporting me!!! Love you sooo much!!!

Of course last but not least, I TOTALLLY LOVE MY SECTION!!!! =D Forever C.A.T.S!!! xD

ah well, need to sleep already. Tomorrow is packing up time!!! *yawns*

Let's Rewind to Rewind!!!~~

I am super confused now. Yesterday i totally forgot that I am suppose to go Gladys house. Before that we didn't even plan it out. SUPER CONFUSING. What's more, NONE of them is contactable. Seriously, sometimes when you need to discuss things and you can't find ANYONE, its truely irritating. Since everything is so not clear than well, i am most likely not going.

But I want to go out today and buy concert prezzie and also my mum says she is going to buy an oven (totally not confirmed because my father doesn't know YET). Seriously, Home Ec only = headache. sigh...ah well, i don't know lahh, confusing. My brain is totally dead. Personally, I don't feel like going Gladys house. Firstly, I am going alone and the journey is so long. Secondly, we will be making apple pie which i most likely think i won't be doing because according to Jia Wei, it takes very long and for the Home Ec practical test, we only have ONE hour. so yah, thinking of something else to do.

Now almost everyone is not online. Eeeyer, I don't like to go out when everything is so unplanned and its during exam time....STRESS!!!