When you finally realise no one really cares about you, this is the time you tell yourself you should care about yourself more before you shown cocern to others.

I've alway believe that whatever you do for others, you'll get it back.

But that was naive.
Maybe not entirely not true.

At least,

It was never true for me.

Yeah...
Sherlene, as much as you tell yourself, you are not useless.
But it was pretty much proven isn't it?

No one ever listens to you.
Not in class.
Not in band.

In class, even if I shout out the answers, the teachers don't bother.
Even if I call anyone, they don't answer.

In band, same thing.
Even if I talk to someone, they don't listen.
Or they don't even bother following my intsructions.
I'm not loud either.
I'm not like Grace, who can gain attention with her voice.
I'm not like Evelyn who is interesting and everyone likes her.

I'm like, nobody.

I didn't even get a chance to speak during Section Talk.
Like, I'm not part of the Sec 3s.
And hold no power.

Telling anyone really have no point.
Because as I said before, everyone is selfish.
When you talk to someone, they will think about themselves.
And they won't understand the pain you feel.
The inferiority you feel.
The won't know a thing.
What shit is this.

Okay, I'll give myself to 9.40pm on my clock to type this.

So
today was Sec 4 Farewell.
And I really have no idea if it is counted as a good one or not because no one cried.
Well, I was on the verge on crying when the video was shown~ I'm sure if the video was shown longer there will be people who will start crying.

But the Sec 4s didn't cry...which was like, the plan.
Our ultimate goal
They were laughing away...

Honestly, to me, I think it's quite a disappointment.
I'll feel sad if my farewell is like that too next time.
I like last years one though.
Sigh.

But nevetheless, I miss the Sec 4s.
Yes.
I didn't type I'll miss Sec 4.
I miss them.
Already.

I can't imagine life without them.
Without Mun Yun to give us motivation
I'll miss her presents too :/ Like, her presents is the one I always look forward to during concert
Without Tha Yang, we wouldn't have the time to slack and stuff.
Without Jae Young, we wouldn't have the mood to laugh during combines.

:(

Most of all, I don't want to step up.
Oh come on, Sherlene, get reality into your brain.
They have joined the alumni band.

But what
They will forever be our seniors.

I miss them and love all of them <3

Hmmm... I would just say, don't think so much.

Okay, today can't be a slack day.
It can't be.

IT

CAN'T

BE

.

Or I'll be squashed meat.
Especially when

EXAMS ARE BROUGHT FORWARD

DAMMIT >(

I swear,
Okay, no swear words today. It's Good Friday.

OKAY WHATEVER!

I'M GOING MAD

LITERALLY
GOING
MAD

GAHHHHHHHHHHHH
STUPID PHYSICS PAPER
STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!
>(

I think I'm gonna fail physics
Than I'll cry like no tomorrow :(

vreg pt2`.DA0UBLJ/VNEO
EYUWFHIWY0F41H;FWBJEI3PGT 591G3REhf0y[94rfhj/.ojeuehjbsv l?KHPueljbvf/ .

:(

that venting didn't help much

I feel like crying ):
0I43 TUFL.MZ

You know sometimes, when you really wish you didn't know the truth?
But on the other side, knowing the truth makes you less stupid.

Like, when you suddenly realise that your good friend has been making use of you, whether she realises it or not.
It's pretty hurtful.
I mean, why do you have to make use of others in order to get something.
Or to get a message across someone

I've never did that to someone before.
I can't act
Neither can I come up with plans
When I say something, I really mean it
If I really want to say something, I'll say it to that person.
Or just shut up

Please, I'm not like some life buoy, always on the ready to help you or something. I'm not at your beck and call. I'm not something that you could just use it when you need it and throw it away the moment you get your aim.

Now, I'm at a loss of what to do.
Am I just thinking too much?

What do I do?

Selfishness.

Everyone has that characteristic.
Because nobody's perfect.

So I tell myself, do not blame others that they are selfish.
They are selfish in some form while I will be selfish in other forms.

Just depends on how selfish you are.
Some may be more selfish then others.

that's why they are labelled selfish.

Not causing people trouble to care for you is fine. At least they don't make a big fuss out of everything.

But.

Is that why I always become invisible?
Like, I really don't exist at all.
I mean, I don't need to be like, popular or what.
I just needed people to take notice of me.
Or care about me

Or at least, don't leave me out.

Okay, but I won't go around acting like some weirdo trying to seek attention.

It's too fake for me.
And no, I'm not good at acting.

Don't ignore me.
Or leave me out.

It's tiring and annoying.

But if they do, do I ask them to get out of my life or live with it?
Maybe, the second choice. Though it just makes me a small, invisible, dispensable person. But it's polite after all.

I feel downright pathetic.

I feel angry.

I feel angry with myself.

Useless.

And and and,

Whether Evelyn will see this post or not...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVELYN!!!! :D

Just one year ago, we were in school, playing for Rewind.
And many things have passed since then.

Well, I suppose only you and I will understand that.
And Grace, probably.

But it's over and all is fine~
I'm glad to have a friend like you :)

Gosh. Why does time pass so freaking fast?
It's scary, come to think about it.
Maybe because my life seem more fulfilling...with homework and study =.=

But anyways, I'm kinda proud of my chem test, in a way that, I manage to finish it.

BUT

I realised I made ALOT of mistakes.
Which sucks, really.

Yesterday, went to buy Evelyn's present after Band (and I went home at 8 because of that) with Sheryl. And Sheryl treated me to bubble tea 8D I was like nudging her to buy Frolic for me but of course no lah, so expensive hehehe :D

Sheryl's not bad actually. If she likes you, she is actually nice~ *self compliment*

Missed flagday today. But I think it was the right choice, though I really feel bad abandoning Rong Cheng...I mean, she choce Outram station and afternoon shift because of me...and I abandoned her like that. Luckily she have her friend or I'll be dead...I'll die of like, guiltiness :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kay.

I believe CGSSB can do it.
We can get a Gold with Honours

Gold with honours

It's ours.
Ours.
We'll cry because we are happy.
We are gonna leave the stage smiling.
We are gonna play together.
We are gonna only have Mrs Chua in our eyes and mind.


We are gonna move as a band.
We are gonna play like a band.
We are gonna sound like a band.

We are gonna be one.

And we'll prove the judges wrong.

We, CGSSB, will prove that girls are capable of getting gold with honours.
We'll make them reflect on their biasness. *Hmph*
We'll make all girls school proud of us.

And most importantly,

We'll make ourselves proud.

Kay, this wasn't the text I wanted to post at first. But it came into my mind. So yeah...
Well, I feel that I shouldn't care about band positions. As in like, I heard different results of the interview so...yeah.
I'll just wait for it~

But that's not the point either.

I just want to know, if X is actually someone like what I thought is the reason.
I really wish she isn't, like she really did that for a good reason.
Because if she is really that sort of person, I don't know how am I gonna friend her anymore.
I know it sounds childish, but I really don't want to friend people who are spineless, not literally.

I'll see.

Annoyed.

I hate him.

Why?

Because I hate him.

My blog has been pretty dead recently.

Life's getting really fast and stressing.
I really am the sort of person who likes to do things at my own pace.
That's why I don't like my class at all.
They are like, all smart people, able to catch up.
And

I'm nothing.

This sucks.
I wasn't even SUPPOSE to be in this class.
There are people who have much higher level positions then me.
Why me?

I can't imagine having close friends in this class. Like Jia Wei, Gladys, Li Wei.
Everyone have their own cliques already.
I don't need cliques, I just need good friends.

And the furthest that have gone now is Rong Cheng.
But even she have her own clique.

):

Life sucks.
But no one promised that life was good anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently, I've been slacking.
Why?
There isn't much homework.

Why?
Because next week is the start of hell.

Like, the calmness before disaster.

Yeah.
That's all for now.
I guess I have to concetrate.
Badly.

Bye.